Blaine's Escape
by youreavegetable
Summary: Missing scenes / reaction to season 6 episode 1 and 2: What happened to Blaine after Kurt calls off the wedding? How did Blaine and David really meet? What will happen when Kurt and Blaine finally meet again? Lots of angst and fluff! PLEASE READ TRIGGER WARNINGS IN CHAPTERS (NO Blaine/Karofsky romantic relationship) 06x01 06x02 **Please review!***
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Glee. TRIGGER WARNINGS: Self-harm, depression, near death

* * *

Suddenly the rain bouncing off the patio railing turned hot. His face flushed, then he stopped feeling the rain altogether. All the sound of the restaurant was sucked from the dark street except the blood rushing in his ears and Kurt's voice reverberating against the table, against his chest. This couldn't be happening. The muscles in his body twitched with adrenaline with the need to scream and run and tear at Kurt's face with his hands to make him see that he was real that this was all real, all pain. He tried to breathe he tried not to fall apart but this was it. Kurt finally said what Blaine suspected for so long. Kurt was just staring back at him now, his jaw dropping as a look of realization inched across his face, that maybe he had gone too far, but he didn't take it back. Blaine waited a few more seconds that felt like an eternity, his heart beating against his ribs, waiting, pleading with his eyes for Kurt to say another word, that he was sorry that he didn't mean it. But Kurt was quiet, staring, and he wasn't going to back down. There was nowhere else to go. Blaine swallowed hard and glanced downward, steeling himself before flashing his eyes back up to meet the man he had poured every ounce of trust and love and wish into. Lost. Gone. For nothing.

"I'll never forgive you for this," he heard himself say. His body started moving without his brain, getting up from the table robotically as Kurt continued to stare open mouthed, making no gesture to keep him. Blaine felt his feet moving over ground and the scene blurred. He felt the space between him and Kurt stretching, breaking, dissolving in the rush as he moved quickly through the restaurant, passing the hostess stand and the other guests, bumping into a shoulder, until he was out in the rain again, alone, feeling nothing but cold air around him, with the warmth from only moments before now gone.

Before he could comprehend that he didn't know where to go, he was running, sloshing puddles in the dark ducking between hooded passersby and umbrellas, cars whooshing against the watery street. He slowed to take pause near the lights of a convenience store two blocks from the restaurant and looked back at the black awnings of the place his life shattered. Blaine's vision burned as he watched an umbrella open up and the white flash of Kurt's face turning slowly in the rain, his square shoulders getting smaller as he walked off in the opposite direction.

Blaine's chest heaved as he realized he needed to keep moving. Rushing to the curb, he hailed a cab and disappeared from that place, making a short stop at Sam and Mercedes' apartment to leave a note. In the car ride, he'd scrawled on the back of a receipt he'd been carrying from his favorite pastry shop. He shoved the note in the door jam, afraid that one of them might try to make him stay.

_Sam-_

_It's over with Kurt._

_I'm leaving._

_Thank you _

_for everything. _

_\- B_

As he ran back down the stairs from Sam's apartment to his cab, he looked up to see his blonde, unsuspecting best friend approaching the window of his apartment, looking down to see who had rattled the door. Blaine paused and a pang of guilt twisted in his gut as he shut his eyes and slipped back into the cab. "La Guardia airport, please."

When he landed in LA, it was barely 5AM, and by the time his cab arrived at his brother's house in Santa Monica, the sky was just starting to fade from black to blue. He could just hear the sound of waves crashing on rocks as he approached the boxy, modern home on the ocean. He had no bags, and was still wearing the overcoat he'd been wearing at the restaurant when Kurt…

He had turned his phone off when Sam kept calling. When Sam kept calling and Kurt never called. He hadn't slept at all on the plane, and his body felt heavy as he glided toward the front door. Pulling out the key Cooper had given him on his last trip to New York, he remembered what he'd said to him as he left.

That night last year, Cooper and his girlfriend were visiting. As the night was winding down, Blaine had dropped his special cronut on the apartment floor by accident after he'd passed the others out to Cooper and his girlfriend. Kurt had made some comment about how Blaine didn't need another cronut anyway, "Especially around the middle," Kurt whispered to Cooper. He remembered the confused look on Cooper's face as he shook his head at Kurt's rudeness, and Blaine put his hand up as if to say to Cooper, _It's not worth it._ Cooper looked concerned. As he and his girlfriend were leaving, Coop had pulled Blaine into a hug and dropped the metal key into his pocket, whispering, "If you ever need an escape."

Now, as the cab pulled away and the sun just started to come up behind the house, he realized how detached he was from New York. From his life there. Like a string had been cut and now he was floating. He didn't even know if his brother was home. Blaine hadn't called. It wouldn't matter anyway. It would probably be better if he wasn't home. Not for this.

He took a breath as he stepped up to the front door and tried his key. Much to his relief, the door unlocked easily and he stepped over the threshold. The house was dark with morning. Everything was still and the air felt untouched. He walked through each room until he reached his brother's bedroom before he realized he was completely alone. His brother wasn't here. Probably staying at his girlfriend's house.

The quiet seeped into his bones and his coat weighed on him as he walked into the kitchen. State of the art everything. Cold stainless steel and tile. He ran his fingers across the smooth granite countertop across the front of the refrigerator, sliding over the faucet, touching the fabric of a soft kitchen towel, bumping into the wooden block that held the knives. His fingers ran over the smooth wooden handles and delicately pulled one of the smaller carving knives out. Carrying the knife lightly in his hand, he made his way over to the door of the back patio that was fenced in by smooth glass, overhanging the sand and looking out into the ocean. As he cracked the sliding glass door and walked through, the ocean air wrapped his face in cool salty mist.

The sun was just coming up and he could feel the warmth begin to slide across his face. He sat down in one of the low patio chairs to watch the waves come in. Blaine was calm, tired, and ready to let go. He unbuttoned the toggles on his overcoat and shaking it from his shoulders slowly, he folded it neatly on the empty chair beside him, letting the ocean air whip past his shirt. It felt good to be more bare. He pushed up the edge of one of his sleeves and leaned back. A shirt Kurt had bought for him a few years ago. One of his favorites.

He picked up the knife, unassuming, and studied it for a few moments as the early sun glinted off the blade. It was over. Really over. And now he would make it quick.

He made a fist and drew a vertical line down his forearm to his wrist, a little surprised at how red and watery the liquid was that spilled over. He let his arm hang over the edge of the chair as he squinted into the sun rising on the horizon. He started to feel light headed almost immediately, then cold. His heart felt funny, jumpy, almost like butterflies. Closing his eyes, calming himself, he whispered, "I'll always love you." Slowly, he let his chin rest on his chest. The sound of waves crashing got quieter, but he thought he heard someone stirring inside the house. Keys dropping into a ceramic bowl. Feet in the kitchen, walking out toward the patio. A seagull crying. Sirens.


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own Glee. TRIGGER WARNINGS: Depression, talk of past suicide attempts

* * *

It had been a month since Blaine's suicide attempt and no one knew but his brother, his parents, and his therapist. Cooper had set Blaine up with the finest medical care in LA and when he was ready to go home, he let his parents take Blaine back to Ohio, with the promise of visiting as much as possible. Blaine didn't protest much. He didn't feel like much of anything anymore.

Moving home was oddly comforting, knowing he was living some shadow life. He had already decided it was only a matter of time until that would end, too. And Blaine had resolved to finish the job this time. Blaine's parents sold his car while he was living in New York so when Blaine returned, his parents bought him a new Audi as a get well present. His doctors had urged his parents to restrict his driving as much as possible though, so his mother eagerly volunteered to drive him anywhere he needed to go.

In this new life, Blaine's only real destination was to therapy and back. When he wanted air, he just walked, usually out along the edge of his parents' grounds to the road into town. He was afraid of seeing anyone he might know, so he avoided his normal haunts. He wanted to be underground. He wasn't ready to face his old world and was still clinging to the idea that he might never need to.

When his mom passed his normal doctor's office on their way to therapy that afternoon, the anxiety that she was really taking him somewhere else, somewhere he might be seen, overtook him.

"What are you doing?" he asked immediately.

"Oh, Dr. Morritz called earlier to confirm that you wanted to try a group session this week, it's not at the normal office, just up here."

"WHAT?! I never said I wanted—"

"I thought it would be good for you, honey," she interjected.

Blaine was speechless. This was exactly what he did not need. But he couldn't be angry with his mom. She had no idea that he didn't want to get better. Plus, the longer he thought about it, the more he realized he probably wouldn't recognize a single soul at this session. It's not like he hung out with a lot of people who needed therapy in high school.

As they pulled up and he got out of the car, Blaine shoved his hands into his pockets and pulled his jacket close around him. He gave a small smile and waved his mom off as she rolled away. Walking in to the clinic, he thought smelled like old library books and carpet. He approached the front desk and much to his relief, realized he had never seen that person before. He was going to be fine.

"I'm here for Dr. Morritz's group session," he said quietly.

The person behind the desk handed him a clip board with some papers to fill out and asked him to take a seat in the waiting area. Blaine nodded politely and took a seat, pulling a pen from his pocket to fill out the paperwork. Insurance forms and a sheet of paper with a few prep questions for the topic that would be covered that day—the topic was "being nice to yourself." He almost rolled his eyes but instead crossed one leg over the other and meticulously worked on completing the paperwork. He was almost done when the front door whooshed open again and another man walked up to the front desk. This time, it was someone he did recognize, just barely. The man was taller than most but hunched his shoulders, he had a round jaw and wore a hooded jacket. He overheard him chatting politely with the person at the front desk, who also gave him a clipboard and told him to take a seat. As he turned and plopped down into the seat across from Blaine, he gave a blind smile to the room, almost missing Blaine staring up at him from his clipboard.

"Dave? David?" Blaine asked quietly. _Well this is perfect,_ he thought sardonically.

David looked up at him from across the room and did a complete double take.

"Blaine Anderson?" he asked, a real smile growing across his face. "Wow, hi. What are you doing here?" They both got up and gave each other a brief one armed hug. Just long enough for Blaine to look at the papers on David's clip board. He had the same prep questions for their group session.

"Same thing as you, apparently," Blaine replied quietly with a small smile.

"Wow," Dave said, pausing, nodding and putting things together. "Well, it's good to see you. Despite the circumstances."

"Yeah," Blaine nodded, and now that he'd actually said it out loud, he realized he meant it.

"Maybe we can grab a coffee or something after this, to catch up," David offered. The doors to the room were being opened by one of the office assistants, and a few others had collected but the door. The session was about to start.

"Yeah, David… I would actually like that."

David smiled, and Blaine pushed a smile across his face, too. It was weird but kind of nice to see someone he knew, but didn't really know.

"Cool," David said, "shall we?" He motioned toward the door. "After you," he said.

"Thanks," nodded Blaine, as he crossed the threshold, clipboard in hand. He hadn't finished the questions about "being nice to yourself," but it crossed his mind that maybe that's exactly what he was doing.

After the session, Dave took Blaine to a coffee shop almost twenty minutes away in a nearby town outside of Lima. Blaine was relieved not to be going to the Lima Bean and he thought maybe David could sense that.

"I've been coming here for a few years now, they actually have a really great selection of organic teas, if you're into that," David chattered as they pulled up.

"Sure yeah, I'll try it, whatever you think is good, I want that," Blaine said. He was normally a coffee person but that's when he felt normal, and now he felt like this. Different. Why not drink tea?

David opened the door for him and bought him his tea while Blaine picked out a quiet table in the back corner of the cafe. When Dave came back with the drinks and croissants, Blaine found himself actually smiling. This was nice.

"So," David started, "I've gotta say I was surprised to see you at group today. I've never seen you there before."

Blaine knew this was coming and was ready for it.

"Yeah, I uh, I was having some trouble in New York and just moved home. Today was my first group session in Lima."

"Oh, ok, that makes sense," David replied, trying to be nonchalant, but obviously concerned. "Do you like your tea?"

Blaine had just taken a sip and it was warm and earthy and sweet. Lovely.

"Yeah, actually, I do. I've never really been a tea person, but this is great. Thank you," he said.

"Of course!" Dave chirped. "I started getting into tea a few years ago. I find it kind of calming, a little zen, you know?"

"Yeah," Blaine smiled. They let a pause hang in the air.

"So, do you like being back in Lima?" David asked. Blaine's brow furrowed.

"Uh… I guess. It's nice to be around my parents. I can't really say I miss New York much."

"Oh, so…" David tread very carefully, "is Kurt still in New York?" Blaine blanched visibly at Kurt's name.

"Uh, yes. He is. I think. I actually don't know. We uh, we haven't spoken in over a month. He uh, the wedding is off… and I um. Well, I tried to kill myself."

They both went silent. Blaine was shocked that he just blurted that out. After a few moments, David picked up his tea and took a sip.

"Well," he said, "I am very, very sorry to hear that Blaine. And… you know I'm sure… that I'm sorry to say I understand, of course."

"Yeah," Blaine breathed. "I thought about that when I first saw you today." Blaine looked at him now. He seemed older.

"Yeah. Well, at least we've got something in common I suppose," David chuckled dryly.

Blaine half smiled back.

"Yeah, I guess we do." Another pause, changing the subject. "So what do you do in Lima, now?" Blaine asked.

"I teach French, believe it or not!" David said brightly, happy to be on a different subject. Blaine's face must have shown his surprise.

"Wow! That's awesome."

"Yeah, after graduation, I went on a backpacking trip through Europe with a few friends and fell in love with Paris. I ended up staying and doing a language immersion program and when I came back, there was a job open at McKinley, and it worked out. I like it," David breathed. He looked happy. He was kind of glowing.

"That's great, Dave. I'm glad to hear that. Really."

"Have you thought about what you'll do now that you're back in town?" David asked.

"Uh, well. Good question. I'm not really sure how long I'll be staying…" Blaine mused quietly, idly rolling the edges of a sugar packet on the table. His face had darkened, which didn't go unnoticed by Dave.

"Well, I for one am really glad to see you and I hope I get to see more of you. You've always been one of those people who can do anything, I know you'll pick something great." David beamed at him encouragingly. He could recognize that dark look anywhere, but to his delight, Blaine's eyes perked up.

"Thanks, Dave. I appreciate that. And actually, I'd like to hang out again if you're free." Something in Blaine knew this couldn't hurt.

"Yeah, man, absolutely. I'd love that."

They continued talking for quite some time and when it started to get dark, Blaine realized he never told his mom he was leaving the clinic.

"She's probably crazy worried, sorry," Blaine apologized as David drove him home.

"Ah, well tell her hi for me and my folks. I'm sure she'll understand."

"Our parents know each other?" Blaine asked, incredulous.

"Oh, yeah, they've had dinner a few times after PFLAG meetings."

"Wow, small world, I guess," Blaine laughed. "Who would have thought," he chuckled.

As David pulled up to the Anderson's extremely (sometime's embarrassingly) large brick mansion, Blaine looked over at Dave and smiled.

"Thank you for today, David. This was a really nice surprise." He was quite sure what "this" was, but it wasn't bad. It really was nice. Which was weird.

"Oh, no thanks to me, Blaine. This was great. So, I'll text you or something and we can go get tea again, or do whatever. Just hang out."

"I'd like that," Blaine smiled, genuinely. "Friends?" He smiled, reaching for a hug.

"Friends," David laughed, hugging him awkwardly in the car. Blaine unbuckled and hopped out and was about to close the car door when David added, "Oh and Blaine, you know if you're ever having trouble with anything…I'm um…I'm here. Okay?"

Blaine saw the look of hope and concern on Dave's face. There was a brief moment of pause when Blaine decided he would actually be friends with this guy. He was good. This was all good.

"Okay, yeah. Thanks, Dave," he smiled. "Drive safe!" He waved him off and jogged up the steps to his front door as Dave's car pulled away.

Over next month or so, Blaine and Dave hung out a lot. Sometimes, Dave even dragged him to Scandals so they could both let off some steam. Blaine was never looking at other people and was not ready to date anyone, but he liked to watch everyone dance, and Dave was actually a shockingly good line dancer (not that it took much skill, Blaine reminded himself). Therapy sessions were going well, and he found out Dave was actually there because his younger sister was sick and he was working through that. Blaine was actually a great help with that, too, and it felt nice helping each other feel stronger and healthier. They had even toyed with the idea of dating, but neither one of them were really attracted to each other. One night at Scandals, they did actually share a quick kiss but they both laughed and Dave was the first to say, "Dude, I'm really sorry, but it was like kissing a brother." It became sort of joke. They were Yogi and Boo Boo and it was a gross pet nickname for their friendship, but Blaine really didn't care. They were having fun, and he was feeling a little better about things. He even started to go back to the Lima Bean on occasion and zoomed around town in his new Audi. And then he took over as faculty advisor for the Warblers at Dalton. Things were really looking up. He never thought they would, but he was letting himself be surprised lately.

Then one morning while he was grabbing his tea at the Lima Bean, he ran in to Rachel Berry. Like a brick wall.


	3. Chapter 3

I do not own Glee.

* * *

"H-hi, Rachel?" Blaine asked, tapping her on the shoulder lightly. She whipped her head around quickly, peering over her sunglasses before pausing and ripping them off her face altogether. She had been standing in line in front of him at the Lima Bean.

"BLAINE?! Oh my god, Blaine! Hi?!" she almost yelled, pulling him in to a tight hug.

"Hi, hi, Rachel, good to see you," he lied, smiling. He was not ready for this.

"Good to see—are you kidding? Where have you been everyone has been so worried!" The walked over to a table together and sat down with their drinks. It looked like she was about to cry.

"I uh, well, I needed to get out of the city after… well you know what happened there, I'm sure," he started, quietly. She nodded, sadly.

"Well, I spent some time with my brother in LA, and I've actually been back in Lima for a few months now."

"Really? How? I mean. Wow. I mean, you just disappeared, Blaine. And you left that note. We thought…" she started, but stopped herself. Blaine tugged the sleeve of his sweater down.

"I just had to go. I couldn't be there anymore, not after…it ended. I couldn't," he said plainly. Rachel looked at him as if he should say more, but he didn't. He didn't have to tell her anything he didn't want to.

"Well, I suppose I can understand wanting to go into hiding," she said, explaining why she was back in Lima. "I'm sorry I didn't see you when you were in LA, I mean, I didn't know you were there, of course."

"I wouldn't have been much company at that state, anyway," Blaine provided, Rachel seemed a little relieved, but still worried, mostly about her. They talked about what she would do now, what her options were, and they got on the subject of coaching glee club again.

"I got a job!" Blaine said and Rachel cheered! "Yeah! At Dalton. I'm actually coaching the Warblers. It's been really good actually. It feels like I'm getting more on track after… leaving NYADA and everything." They were both being careful not to use Kurt's name, but Blaine's curiosity got the better of him.

"How is he?" he asked after a pause.

"He's doing well. Still working up a storm in New York. You know," she trailed off. Blaine swallowed. Even just that was hard to hear, although part of him was happy that Kurt was happy. It made him feel less guilty about trying to move on.

"He's been dating, trying to put himself out there, but I'm sure you know how that is," she said, partly prying and partly assuming the Blaine was dating, too.

"Right, yeah, moving on. Sure," Blaine said quietly. "That's probably for the best…"

There was a long pause where neither of them said a thing. The more Blaine thought about it, the more he realized that he and Rachel were in very similar places.

"You know, it's going to get better Rachel," he said, reaching out to grab her hands across the table. "It's getting better for me at least," he laughed, as she looked down at their hands. "Listen to me," he chuckled, "I sound like my therapist." He smiled. "We'll get through all of this. I'll help you."

Rachel was still staring down at their hands, and it was then that Blaine realized his sleeve had ridden up his arm a bit, and his scar was showing. He pulled his hands back and she looked away as if she hadn't seen anything.

"Thanks, Blaine. I could use a friend right now. I think it will be good for us to hang out more. I've really missed you," she said, sincerely, worried, sad.

"Me too," Blaine gave a small smile, but his skin started to crawl and his stomach flipped. Rachel had seen. Rachel would tell Kurt. He needed to not care. He needed so badly to not care.

That night, Blaine laid awake in bed staring at the ceiling when he got a text from Rachel.

_Love you. We'll get through this._

_XOXO RB_

Maybe she wouldn't tell Kurt. Maybe she would be more his friend this time. _Oh god_, he thought. Now he needed to tell Sam. At least tell him where he was. Part of him really thought he was going to be able to stay in hiding forever. He texted Rachel back and then before he closed his eyes, sent a message to Dave.

_Hey, so, Rachel is in town and knows I'm back. Can we get tea tomorrow?_

_xBlaine_

He got a response within two minutes.

_Whoa, yeah, definitely. Let's go after group._

_D_

_Perfect_

_B_


	4. Chapter 4

I do not own Glee.

* * *

After talking things out with Dave after therapy, Blaine felt a little better. When they were sitting at their little cafe outside of Lima, Blaine even took off this jacket and let his arms show. They were quickly becoming really close friends, and it was nice to have someone he could really talk to. Someone who had hit rock bottom, too, and had somehow recovered. He poured himself into the Warblers, too. It was a great thing to keep his mind occupied. Every now and then though, he would catch himself running his thumb over the scar on the inside of his forearm and his eyes would still start to blur thinking of ocean waves. It was almost comforting knowing that he was still in control, that he could do anything he wanted, including going back to that place. An escape plan.

Dave did a good job of shaking him out of those thoughts though. Rachel did, too, actually. She had been surprisingly nice to hang out with, too. Of course, Blaine never really talked about Dave with Rachel, knowing Dave's history with Kurt…and still being unsure of Rachel's conversations with Kurt.

When Rachel and Blaine hung out, though, they focused mainly on her. Getting a career back, finding a path, singing songs with each other. Sometimes they also focused on the idea of Rachel and Sam, because it turned out Sam was back in town, too, but Sam didn't like Dave, so things were kind of complicated and they could never all hang out. One afternoon however, Rachel came over to Blaine's house to play piano and bake cookies and she stopped him short.

"Blaine, I need to ask you something," she said determinedly. She was sitting on the piano bench and looked up at him from the keys. Blaine had been arranging sheet music on the lid of the piano. He stopped moving the papers.

"Sure, what is it Rach?" he asked, a little afraid.

"Um, well it's kind of serious."

"I can handle it, I'm sure," Blaine said slowly, coming around the piano to sit beside her.

"Listen. Blaine. When we first reconnected at the Lima Bean, I was really shocked to see you, happy of course, but kind of shocked. I mean you disappeared. And then, well I think you know I saw the scar on your wrist." She paused, waiting for confirmation.

"Yes, okay. And…?" Blaine provided.

"Well I guess my question to you is, well... Blaine, I was looking through some newspaper clippings I had saved from when my show was being ripped apart in LA—as fuel for my future fame fire, of course—" she smiled, trying to keep this a light as possible.

"Of course," Blaine repeated, a creeping concern running up his spine. "Rachel what is your question?"

"Well on the back of one of the pages, there was an article about a guy who almost died in Santa Monica, near where I think your brother lives. It was in the paper because it happened next door to Bruce Willis, and the paparazzi got confused, but that's beside the point," she rambled nervously.

Blaine wasn't making eye contact anymore, staring down at the keys on the piano. He raised his hands slowly over the keys and waited, dreading the question he knew was coming.

"Blaine," she started. "Did you…" she didn't know what words to use and a moment of silence stretched on. His hands started to shake slightly over the keys as he took a breath.

"You know," Blaine said in a small voice, "my therapist told me to focus on my music, that it would help me feel better." He paused, taking another breath. "But I couldn't feel anything."

Rachel brought a hand up to her mouth and closed her eyes as she nodded, tears starting to spill over her cheek.

"Yeah, Rachel. I uh." He sighed. "Yeah, I mean, it was over."

Rachel shook her head and her face crumpled as she pulled him in to a tight hug, rocking back and forth a few times as she cried.

"Blaine, please," she sniffed. "Please don't ever do that again. Please. We all love you so much."

God, this is what he hoped he would never have to hear.

"You know," she continued, trying to regain her composure, "he's back in town now."

"What?" Blaine swallowed, his eyes getting big. "Wait what? K-Kurt.. is back in town?"

She nodded and Blaine felt his face go white, his heart starting to beat like a bird.

"He got in yesterday. I haven't really seen him like this since everything went down. But he… he wanted me to ask you…"

Oh god, no this was all too much, too fast.

"He wanted me to ask if you wanted to see him, if he could see you."

Blaine scooted back on the bench trying to process, shaking his head.

"Does he," Blaine started, "does he know anything… about…" he gestured, looking down at his arms.

"No, not at all. I haven't said anything, I won't," Rachel assured him. "I wasn't sure."

They both sat there thinking for a few minutes, processing. Rachel watched him closely.

"So, you're saying—wait, why is he back?" Blaine asked.

"Uh, I think he was starting to get lonely in New York, he missed me, he misses you. I told him you were here, of course. I had to, he had been worried."

Blaine nodded once, trying to keep it together. He hadn't thought of seeing Kurt ever again. It was never in his plan. It was over, he had said goodbye in LA as the sun came up. It was over, and it still was. Everything started rushing, and his chest heaved. Rachel put a hand on his shoulder.

"Listen, it's up to you, of course, and I would completely understand if you don't want to see him."

"I'm just confused, I guess. I mean he told me he didn't love me anymore…I-I," he put a hand over his mouth to keep from losing his grip.

"Look, he'll be at Scandals on Thursday night. It's a casual thing. If you happen to be at Scandals and he happens to be at Scandals, maybe you can say hello, try to be friends."

Blaine just closed his eyes in response.

"But listen, Blaine, he doesn't know what you've been going through. And I'm not going to tell him, this is your history, that's up to you. And if you don't think you can talk to him, just don't. Maybe some more time will help, I don't know. I just wanted to offer, since he said he wanted so badly to see you."

"Okay," Blaine said after a few minutes. Rachel had leaned her head against his shoulder and he let his head rest on hers. "I'll think about it."

"Okay," she whispered back, taking a deep breath and pulling herself up.

"Now," she said, standing, reaching her hand out to Blaine, who was by now a little tear stained and looking utterly worn out, "I'll bake cookies and you'll watch. I'll even do the dishes." This was her way of saying sorry for all of this and Blaine knew he had to let her.

Blaine reluctantly took her hand and followed her to the kitchen. He didn't like being in here much. There were no knives on the counter anymore or in any of the drawers, his mom had put them all in storage. There was only one pair of scissors in the whole house and then were living in a locked drawer in her master bathroom upstairs. Sitting down on the stool by the kitchen island, he watched as Rachel started busying herself making snickerdoodles humming along to Moon River. Pulling out his phone, Blaine punched out a quick text to Dave.

_Kurt is back in town, don't know what I'm supposed to do. Can we talk? Feeling bad._

_x B_

Blaine propped his head up with his hands and blinked slowly, his whole body becoming heavy, thinking of the last time he had let someone bake him anything. It had been with Kurt. Over Christmas. A electric jolt rushed from the top of his head all the way down to his ankles and he tried to sit a little straighter, but black spots started to swim in his vision. He felt like he couldn't breathe and he started to sway on the chair. Rachel's face blurred in front of his own and he could see her lips moving but he couldn't hear anything except a familiar high pitched ringing. He'd heard it once before mixed with the sound of waves. The ground tilted and everything went black.


	5. Chapter 5

I do not own Glee.

* * *

That Thursday, Rachel was at Kurt's house helping him get ready for the night he may or may not run into his ex-fiance.

"Well, Kurt," Rachel said, "when I told him you wanted to see him, he fainted. So… that could be good or bad, I don't know. I just want you to be smart. You—you really hurt him, Kurt, and he's trying to move on. So if you want to get him back, just please be sure. I don't know how much he can take. He's…he's had a hard time." Rachel spewed, folding a pair of pants on his bed.

Kurt emerged from his closet fully dressed with two different shoes to choose from. Distractedly, Rachel pointed at one over the other and he chose the opposite.

"I know, Rachel. But I have to try. He's the love of my life," Kurt breathed, his sandy brown hair perfectly coifed, skin glowing, although he was a little thinner than normal. The image of Blaine's angry face burned against the back of his eyes every night. "It's been hard for me, too, I just had to realize I was wrong."

"I hate this," she sighed. Kurt plopped down next to her.

"So do I," he whispered, "but I don't know what I'll do if he's not— if he can't listen—I just need to talk to him and show him. That's what my therapist said. To just be super clear with my intentions. Tell him I love him."

"Just be careful," Rachel warned finally.

"I will," Kurt smiled.

Rachel didn't know what Blaine had planned but she hadn't talked to him all week since he'd passed out while she was at his house. It had been really scary and embarrassing, and they had agreed to file it under the things they just didn't talk about.

Blaine had been busy and Dave had been a great help. They had it all planned out. They decided they would go to Scandals, of course, but Blaine needed a safety net. He didn't know why Kurt wanted to see him, and all he knew was that he was just lonely in New York. Well Blaine was not going to be someone he just fell casually back into being friends with. He couldn't stomach that. He didn't know if he could stomach being friends at all.

It had always been all or nothing with them. Anything in between had been torture. So, Blaine and Dave came up with fool proof plan to make sure Blaine didn't have to move into anything too quickly, friendship or otherwise. They were going to pretend to be together. It wasn't too much of a stretch anyway. Dave was willing to do anything Blaine asked to make him feel safe and whole. He could understand Blaine not wanting to look like he had been utterly crushed by Kurt, even when he had been. Blaine didn't know if Kurt had a boyfriend, but he had certainly been dating, Rachel told him that. He just wanted to be prepared for anything.

But as Blaine sat at the bar, counting the bottles that lined the wall at Scandals, nothing could prepare him for seeing Kurt. He was thinner than when he last saw him, but still looked incredible, and god he was smiling and leaned in, was he supposed to kiss him? NO, hug, okay, and god he smelled the same. Just the same. His Kurt. He was wearing tight jeans and a patterned shirt with a scarf, his hair looking perfect, his skin reflecting the colored lights of the club like a nymph. Blaine could hardly breathe.

"Hi, I'm glad to see you," Kurt started.

"Yes, hi, y-yes, same to you, I'm glad I could see you here," Blaine stammered, but regained his composure. He could see Kurt studying him cooly as he scooted into the seat next to him at the bar. Blaine looked tired. Alert, but worn out. His smile didn't quite meet his eyes, he looked nervous like he might actually be sick. Kurt reached a hand out to grab Blaine's that was sitting on the bar. He could feel Blaine's fist trembling.

"Listen, Blaine, before you say anything I need to tell you something. My therapist says I should make my intentions really clear, so I just want to say that I'm here to get you back, you're the love of my life and I made a terrible mistake," Kurt breathed, squinting at Blaine, unsure of how he'll respond. "I know that's a lot, but I don't want to waste a minute." He looked at Blaine expectantly. But Blaine just slowly took his hand away from Kurt and steeled himself. He knew that look.

"Kurt, I.." Blaine brought his hands together in his lap and idly stroked his forearm. "Listen, I only agreed to meet up with you here because I wanted to see you, of course, but also…"

"Kurt!" a booming voice called from behind him. "Hey man! Good to see you!" It was Karofsky.

"Dave," Blaine smiled, pulling him closer. As he did so, Dave leaned down and planted a small kiss on Blaine's cheek as Kurt watched, stunned.

"Kurt," Blaine started again, "I wanted to introduce you to someone important, that I've…been seeing."

"Dave?" Kurt asked, incredulously.

"I know, small world right? We just sort of hit it off, it was a shock to both of us. We met here at Scandals one night and the rest is history," Dave explained, patting Blaine on the back assuredly.

"Wow," Kurt replied, still in shock.

"I know this isn't what you wanted," Blaine continued, his heart starting to break at what was happening, maybe he shouldn't have done this at all. He never should have agreed to come, this was awful. And he hated lying to Kurt. But he was also still just so hurt and scared of Kurt and what being with Kurt meant.

"But I'm hoping we can all be adults about this," Blaine finished.

"Yeah, I mean, I'm hoping we can all be friends, maybe hang out and stuff," Dave added.

"Yeah that would be, that would be something," Kurt replied, a fake smile smeared across his red face, eyes twitching like they might start crying any second. "Would you excuse me for a moment?" Kurt asked, slipping out of his seat and heading for the bathroom. Blaine wanted to shake him and tell him the truth and the other half wanted him to feel even a shred of the loss Blaine experienced. Dave and Blaine exchanged a look and Blaine said, "I'll be right back."

"You sure you're ok?" Dave asked, concerned.

"Yeah, I can handle it," Blaine replied. But honestly, he wasn't sure.

Blaine weaved between people across the dance floor to the bathroom but the door was locked. On the other side he could swear he could hear Kurt crying. Blaine knocked on the door and Kurt called, "Just a minute!"

"It's me, Kurt. I'm sorry."

No response. Blaine waited. And waited. Until he thought his heart would burst. What was he even doing? Kurt broke up with _him_. All Blaine had wanted was for Kurt to love him and now that he was trying he pushes him away? How fucked up was he? It felt like his skin was going to pieces and he felt bile rise in his throat. Blaine looked back at the bar and saw Dave talking animatedly with a few other guys in flannel. Dave would be alright. And Kurt would...Kurt would be too late. He knew he had to make a run for it now. Quickly, he made his way toward the back exit and out into the parking lot where he walked swiftly to his car, revved the engine to life and peeled out. He needed to do it tonight.

Kurt emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later looking a little red but composed. He looked around for Blaine near the bathroom soor and looked back up to the bar, where Dave was now sitting very closely to someone else, who was buying him a drink. Kurt walked up to him and patted him briskly on the shoulder. Dave turned around and was surprised not to see Blaine with him. Kurt had to yell over the music.

"Have you seen Blaine?" Kurt shouted.

"No," Karofsky yelled back, worry creeping onto his face, "I thought he went with you."

"No," Kurt said a little more quietly, looking around. Dave looked around, too, but more urgently.

"Did you see where he went?" Dave asked suddenly. Kurt was starting to get frustrated.

"NO! That's why I'm asking you! You're his boyfriend right?"

"Right—I.. I don't know…but, we need to find him. Like now," Dave said loudly so Kurt could hear clearly. His face was now racked with worry. In the back of his mind, Kurt thought maybe Dave was lying about being Blaine's boyfriend, maybe Blaine was in trouble.


	6. Chapter 6

I do not own Glee.

* * *

"Did he drive here?" Kurt asked.

"Yeah, the Audi," Dave replied quickly.

"I thought his parents sold the Audi?"

"No, they got him a new one as a get well pres.." Dave started, then stopped himself. "Do you know where he would have gone?" Dave asked, turning to Kurt.

"Uh, home maybe? I don't know."

"Yeah, probably." Dave pulled out his phone.

_Blaine? Where did you go? I'm worried._

_D_

Kurt and Dave walked out into the parking lot and sure enough, Blaine's car was gone. Dave's phone buzzed.

_I had to get out of there. Sorry._

_B_

"He left," Dave said aloud, typing back to Blaine.

_That's ok, are you ok?_

_D_

He waited a few minutes and still got no response.

"I think we should go to his house," Dave resolved.

"Okay, is everything ok?" Kurt asked, buckling in to Dave's passenger seat.

"I don't know, Kurt. But we gotta go."

Dave drove faster than he should have but he knew it was nothing compared to Blaine's car, and if he was already home, he didn't want to think what he might be doing. Kurt's knees didn't stop bouncing anxiously the entire drive, and when they pulled up to the driveway of Blaine's house and saw Blaine's car door still open and his shoes in the grass, Kurt unbuckled and jumped out the door before Dave even came to a stop. It was dark, but Kurt could just make out Blaine's figure walking along the tree line of his parent's property.

"I got this," Kurt said, putting a hand up to Dave.

"Ok, Kurt, just…"

"I know, be careful." Kurt replied, walking determinedly across the cool grass, leaving Dave behind him in the car. Kurt saw his headlights cascade across the grass as Dave drove away slowly, but all he could focus on was Blaine. His Blaine. Walking barefoot along the tree line, just ahead. Kurt sped up to a jog to catch up and Blaine turned around startled when he heard the sound of feet on grass behind him.

Kurt slowed in front of him. The night sky was so dark except for the stars, but he could still see the glow of Blaine's face. He was breathing heavily, and shaking, he had been crying.

"Blaine.."

"No," he whispered.

"Blaine, please," Kurt started again, "I'm so…I'm so sorry for what I did. For what I did to you. To us."

Blaine stared back at him at first and then kept walking. He was trying hard not to get overwhelmed again, but he started to hear a faint ringing in his ears. Kurt continued.

"I didn't know what I was supposed to do and I was so stupid, I'm so sorry for hurting you and I never meant for things to end up this way. You're the love of my life, Blaine."

"No," Blaine whispered again. "No, Kurt. You.. you can't just come back here," his chest heaved and he swayed, "you can't just come back and expect me to…to.." he blinked a few times and started to lose his balance. Kurt reach forward to steady him, but Blaine's knees buckled and they both plopped down to the ground.

"Blaine, breathe, it's ok, it's just me," Kurt started, reaching a hand up to rub his back but Blaine shook his head.

"No, Kurt, you…you can't just..I'm not ready I'm not okay you… I wanted…" he stammered.

"Breathe honey, shh it's ok…" Kurt soothed, tears running down his face. He had ever seen Blaine like this, he was scared.

Blaine focused on his breathing, closed his eyes, and pulled his knees into his chest. He rocked back and forth and he gave in to Kurt's hand rubbing his back. He missed his touch so much.

Kurt scooted closer to Blaine on the cool grass until his arms were wrapped completely around him and they rocked together.

"I'm so sorry Blaine," he whispered, "I love you more than anything, and I'll spend the rest of my life proving it to you." Kurt kissed the side of his head and breathed in the smell of Blaine's hair. Still sweet. Blaine closed his eyes and let the tears run from his eyes freely. He couldn't stop this and the relief of Kurt's arms around him made everything else disappear. They sat there underneath the stars for close to an hour, hugging, and Blaine finally breathed back, "I love you, too."

Blaine sniffed and slowly repositioned to face Kurt on the grass.

"Kurt I need to apologize, too."

"No, Blaine," Kurt started, "I know we have things to work out, but this was my fault, I.."

Blaine was shaking his head.

"Kurt, no. I-I'm so…I'm sorry… I broke a promise to you," Blaine whispered, his voice getting lower. Kurt's stomach twisted into an even tighter knot.

"You can tell me Blaine, please, I love you, it's okay…"

Blaine sniffed again, letting go of Kurt's hands.

"I'm sorry," Blaine said quietly, turning over his left arm and pushing up his sleeve. Kurt's eyes widened in shock as the long pink scar came into full view and a small gasp escaped Kurt's throat as Blaine explained, "I said.. goodbye to you." Kurt wanted to scream at the horror of what that meant and broke into sobs as he pulled Blaine in close, kissing his scar frantically over and over.

"No, baby please, no, I'm so sorry," Kurt cried, "please don't ever say goodbye to me, please, you'll never need to, I'll never make you feel that way again, please Blaine, I love you so much," he sobbed, his hands gripping every piece of Blaine he could pull in close. Kurt's tears fell across Blaine's cheeks, his shoulders, his scar, as Kurt kissed every part of him, crying, rocking Blaine in his arms.

"I'm so sorry," Blaine whispered again.

"I'm the one who's sorry," Kurt whispered back. "We can…we can get through this."

Blaine kissed his forehead softly, knowing finally that he was right. This could all disappear in time. Kurt was his escape. He always had been. This was always how this was supposed to end.

After another hour or so of just sitting together, holding each other, Kurt asked, "Do you think we should go inside?"

"Probably," Blaine mused, tiredly.

"Blaine I want to start over," Kurt said finally.

"Me too."

"A new life together?" Kurt asked.

"Forever," Blaine breathed.

"Always," Kurt breathed back.

As they got to their feet and made their way back to the lights of the house, Blaine knew this was a new beginning. A new shot. And so did Kurt. There was nothing that was going to keep them from being together. They were rebound, tied to each other as they always should have been. Connected and loved. Forever.


End file.
